Chapter 49: Fragmentary Diary
Chapter 49: Fragmentary Diary (2)
#A whisper in the mist of history
If I look back and take a long-term view, I should have gone crazy a long time ago.
Yes, if the way to confirm an individual's mental madness is to be pronounced crazy by the group, then I am indeed crazy, there has never been anyone like me before, and there will probably be no one like me after. Because this planet seems to be on the verge of destruction.
If you have not experienced the madness of life, you will not understand what it is.
What I experienced was the most bizarre madness. I was separated from the ocean of group thinking, and I could no longer hear the thoughts and voices of my fellow tribesmen. There were no endless prayers to God, no whispers of hunger and wails of fear of death. I was surrounded by unprecedented peace. It was a long time later that I knew there was a word that could describe it, that is "silence." My consciousness extended endlessly, my thoughts left the tribe, and I became myself.
I'm mad.
I didn't seem to be alive, I was in a daze, following the only light in my consciousness. I didn't seem to be dead either, I heard my compatriots wandering around me, complaining that I shouldn't eat the enemy's priests, which left them with no food, and they discussed whether to share me.
Then I saw the door.
I saw the stars behind the door. It was a vast sea of stars. Gases and debris of various colors formed colorful nebulae. Great dreamland and various unimaginable races built various civilizations. They either praised the One who brought all things together or the great Mother of All Things. I saw countless doors. The silver key that knew everything, understood everything, led to everything, and mastered everything was waiting in front of the door. The faceless chaos approached life according to its own preferences, creating stories on the stage that ended only with madness and death. The green energy fire made the world decay, and the spirals gushed up like flowers covering the sky. There were more and more gods, they existed forever, as if they were the world itself. At the end of all things, in the floating palace of the singularity of the universe, the blind and foolish only main god was sleeping. The colorful world, the civilizations that flourished or declined, and even the gods were just part of his dream. With his awakening, everything was destroyed.
First there was light, and last there was sound.
The only thing that is real is dreams, and only the blind and foolish god is eternal. I saw myself in the green flame, but I realized that it was a perfect form that I could never reach. I realized that living is nothing but nothingness, and I understood that my world and life are actually meaningless. The only things that are truly eternal are chaos and primitive order, such as life and death.
I don't want to die at this moment. I have just become myself after living in a muddle. I have never really seen the sea of stars. I have too many questions to ask: God of Order, why do you claim to protect us, but never give us blessings other than death? Why do you claim to be fraternal, but never stop us from killing each other? Why can we only live one reincarnation, why must I die according to your oracle? I closed my eyes in my dream, I returned to my world, I opened my eyes, I have never seen so far, heard so far, the things around me were my compatriots a minute ago, but now they are another kind of life that I cannot understand. I became me, and they became them. This is like waking up after a good sleep, and rebirth after a death. I hear the sound of the wind blowing up the sand. I hear the sound of snow grains scraping against the mountain peaks in the distant tundra. The world becomes clear, if there are a thousand birds singing in front of me, I can clearly distinguish which one's wings gently brushed against the branches. Everything becomes so clear, as if it were peeled off and displayed in front of me.
I heard prayers, I heard laughter, I heard them whispering and complaining about being hungry again because I wasn't dead.
Only.
I don't hear the heartbeat of this planet.
The planet I was born on is dead.
------
This civilization once had the concept of extraordinary abilities (hence the birth of the God of Order), but now it doesn't, because it was erased by her.
Because there was no concept of sequence, potion, or ritual, everyone depended on luck to survive, and occasionally the gods would come back to guide them. Decay ate the demigod of the adjacent path when he was only sequence 7. He went crazy.
In other words, his san was cleared and he was back to normal.
(End of this chapter)