Chapter 199 In the Mood for Love
Chapter 199 In the Mood for Love (6000 words)
Chen Qingluo's hands were very small and cold, and when placed in Wang Zixu's palm, they only took up half of the capacity.
She was the one who took the initiative to pull it over. Wang Zixu had no time to react, nor did he dare to react.
At that moment, his brain instantly helped him sign an unequal treaty, ceding this hand to her. He just let his hand hang down woodenly, feeling the little hand in his palm exerting a little force.
The rest of the journey was like a dream. After they walked out the door, they naturally separated. His symptoms of stepping on cotton were slightly relieved and his eyes could focus again.
Wang Zixu didn't ask her what she meant by holding my hand, and Chen Qingluo didn't deny that holding your hand was meaningful. Neither of them spoke.
In this silence, a faint sense of guilt and remorse is growing.
Who are you? You are someone who cannot get too close to anyone of the opposite sex! You could still deceive yourself and have a clear conscience before, but what about now?
Wang Zixu felt that he had let his wife down. But he couldn't say it out loud. If he did, Chen Qingluo would also become an accomplice. If she was guilty, he could take the full responsibility. He didn't want her to be tainted with his guilt.
But Chen Qingluo obviously thought the same thing as him. This was a thought crime. As long as they had that kind of thought, they were guilty. Although the depths of their thoughts were a no man's land where no one could judge, their conscience would make them condemn themselves.
After a while, Chen Qingluo finally spoke:
"How do you know her?"
The prince was stunned for a moment before he said:
"In a flower shop. It was not long after I broke up with Zhang Qian at that time. I got along well with her and gradually became familiar with her..."
"Ning Chunyan said that you suffered a great blow because of Zhang Qian."
"Did she say that? To be honest, no."
Chen Qingluo turned to look at him: "Are you just trying to show off or being tough?"
Her breathing was a little rapid just now, but now it has slowed down, and her expression is as relaxed as possible, as if she is talking about an old friend's embarrassing story.
Wang Zixu realized that this was the first time he had talked to her about his wife.
"It's not showing off or being stubborn. There's no difference between the two." Wang Zixu scratched the back of his head. "In fact, I never knew how to explain this matter, but fortunately, no one needed me to explain it."
"I want to hear it."
Chen Qingluo stared at him seriously: "I want to listen."
The only person in the world who was qualified to ask him for an explanation was his wife. Chen Qingluo was not qualified to ask for an explanation either. But she said she wanted to hear it. This was out of her own willfulness.
Since she wants to listen, there's nothing I can do.
"I had just graduated and my dad was urging me to get married. He pushed Zhang Qian on me like he was assigning me a task."
"What is the assignment?"
"He has an abnormal obsession with letting me date Zhang Qian. If I don't obey him... the consequences will be very serious."
“Why are you obsessed?”
"He thinks men should get married as early as possible and believes that marriage is the only way to turn things around in life."
"You like Zhang Qian." She used a declarative sentence.
"I don't like it." Wang Zixu denied the statement.
"But you've been dating for half a year."
"It's also because of my father's obsession."
"But you still broke up."
"..."
If it was just his father's obsession, there was no need to continue the relationship; if he wanted to satisfy his father's obsession, he shouldn't break up like this. There were too many things in Wang Zixu's words that didn't make sense.
At this point in the conversation, even Chen Qingluo herself realized that her tone was like interrogation, and had gone beyond the realm of "wanting to hear". She was asking him to give an explanation.
But she didn't care about that. She just stared at him, as if she was determined to knock his mouth open in one go.
The prince sighed.
“Because I’ve been lying to him.
"I told him that Zhang Qian and I were still dating.
"Until now, he still thought that I was dating Zhang Qian. I didn't try to correct his idea."
Chen Qingluo's eyes were slightly reprimanding: "Why are you doing this?"
Wang Zixu swallowed and said, "I can't say."
"I can't say it, or I don't want to say it."
"I want to say it. I can't."
"Not even for me?"
This sentence was even more excessive, but Wang Zixu didn't mind.
"I don't know whether I should tell you."
"I thought," Chen Qingluo took a deep breath, "that you came to apologize to me today for publishing your article in Get without telling me about it."
Wang Zixu weighed the pros and cons for a long time before finally speaking with difficulty, saying softly:
"Because he has a mental illness."
"My dad is mentally ill. Schizophrenia." Wang Zixu repeated.
Chen Qingluo didn't say anything.
"But his condition is relatively mild, he doesn't have many attacks, and his condition is getting better. There is a mental hospital in Xihe, and all the patients sent there become less and less human. I couldn't bear to send him there. I talked to him about his illness, but he doesn't always remember. He is happier when he doesn't remember."
Wang Zixu finished speaking and gave her an apologetic smile: "He is a very strong-willed person. If everyone knew that he was ill, the neighbors would inevitably point fingers at him, which would be even more detrimental to his condition. So I kept it a secret."
Chen Qingluo asked: "The obsession you mentioned, is it because he is sick?"
"Yes, paranoia," Wang Zi forced a laugh. "I told him that I didn't like Zhang Qian, and he was so upset that he almost killed my neighbor. Later, he even alerted his workplace. So I kept lying to him that Zhang Qian and I were still together."
Chen Qingluo was silent for a long time before she said, "Zhang Qian didn't object."
"She knew about my father's illness. Although she never looked down on me and had various problems, she never started with my father. She still had a little conscience."
"So you don't hate her."
"I don't hate her," Wang Zixu said, "but her abuse of power for personal gain is another matter."
"Why is it Zhang Qian?" Chen Qingluo asked.
"Because Zhang Qian has a position."
This answer sounds ridiculous, but it is actually quite reasonable. If you think about it carefully, it is really sad.
Although the root cause of my father's illness was planted more than ten years ago, the complete outbreak was somewhat affected by Wang Zixu's staffing issues.
He often thought that if he had been more mature, if he had not said so many angry words, if he had not put all the responsibility on him, perhaps things would not have turned out like this.
Unfortunately, there is no "if" in the world. What happened has happened and you can only accept it.
Chen Qingluo asked: "Is it okay to leave him alone in Xihe now?"
"I separated from him a long time ago, and his condition has improved since then. His problem was his environment. After leaving his old environment, his mentality has improved a lot."
“Because there are too many regrets in the original environment.”
“Because the original environment was too painful.”
After Wang Zixu finished speaking, he added: "I think I am also one of the sources of his pain."
"You yourself." Chen Qingluo repeated stupidly.
"Because I am a useless son," the prince said with a false smile, "when he sees the useless me, it's as if he sees the useless himself."
Chen Qingluo lowered her head and looked at her toes quietly.
"Not without promise."
Wang Zixu forced a smile. This sentence pattern has been used too many times and has become a meme, but it can't be saved even if there is a joke analysis here.
Chen Qingluo looked up at him: "He is successful because he gave birth to you; you are successful because... you are you."
Wang Zixu forced himself to turn his head away from her, not to make eye contact with her, to avoid any greater fluctuations in his heart.
"I bought the house he used to rent. He lives there. He has friends and nice neighbors. I asked them to help take care of him. I go back every once in a while. That's all I can do."
"Ah."
The two walked in silence for a while, and Chen Qingluo asked:
"Do you love your wife?"
"I'm very grateful to her. If it weren't for her, I might not have been able to survive that time."
"Do you miss her now?"
"It's weird, I don't miss her very much. I think about her, but I don't miss her."
Wang Zixu continued, "You must think I am heartless. I am also very surprised. Why would I be like this? But I really didn't miss her. I was just wondering where she had gone."
Wang Zixu finally said: "If she comes back, I will be very happy."
Chen Qingluo said: "I hope she will come back."
Wang Zixu was very happy that Chen Qingluo did not continue the topic of mental illness.
If he went on, he would have to talk about the family history of the disease. He felt that he himself was mentally ill.
Because he felt that normal people would not see Sartre or Camus squatting next to them at every turn.
The street diagonally opposite Qingshan Square is called "Qingshan Here". Here, there are forked roads leading to different directions.
This means they are going to say goodbye.
"Let's separate here." Chen Qingluo said, "I should go home."
"Goodbye."
"When you get to work, tell Ning Chunyan that I want to take a long vacation."
Wang Zixu was stunned: "What's wrong?"
"I have a new inspiration. I want to write it down now." Chen Qingluo said, "In fact, I want to rush home now and then retreat."
A strong panic and impulse surged in Wang Zixu's heart: he wanted to keep her; he wanted to hear her say in person that we would meet again. He didn't want to say goodbye to her.
He said, "Okay, go ahead."
"Yes," Chen Qingluo nodded, looking like a very good child, "Remember our agreement."
"I'll always remember it."
"Yes." Chen Qingluo nodded seriously again, with no expression on her face, "We said goodbye at 'Here Are Green Mountains'."
……
Wang Zixu didn’t know which promise Chen Qingluo was talking about, the one in “The Brothers Karamazov” or the one in “I’ll be with you”.
He pondered for a long time but still had no answer. Finally, he thought, he should remember it anyway. So it didn't matter which one Chen Qingluo was talking about.
But in fact, it still matters. If Chen Qingluo said the former, it means that she told him to abide by his duties, not to go beyond the line, and to be kind and honest; if it was the latter, it means that Chen Qingluo told him, I don’t care, I’m still with you.
The more I thought about it, the more she became like a thick fog, transforming into a shadow, leaving a faint melancholy in the air that lingered for a long time.
At 8 o'clock in the evening, he was driving around the city when Pu Yuyang, the editor of Obtain, suddenly called him, sounding very excited.
"Wang Zixu, it has been officially confirmed that the seminar on Fire in the Stone will be held at Nanjing University!"
Wang Zixu was a little dazed, and only came back to his senses after a while: "Isn't this bad?"
"What's wrong with this? This is obviously a great thing."
"Isn't there also a seminar on Yesterday's Star at Nanjing University?" Wang Zixu thought for a few seconds before coming up with a not-so-appropriate description, "Sniper confrontation at the middle gate?" "Who cares? There are so many seminars at Nanjing University. Sniper confrontation is just a group fight, like eating chicken. Have you ever played PUBG Mobile?"
"No." Wang Zixu didn't want to discuss the matter of playing together. "Why did it suddenly decide?"
"Not ready yet?"
“Not done.”
"Actually, this isn't even the best news," Pu Yuyang deliberately kept the secret, "Some people have already confirmed they will participate. Guess who they are? I guarantee you won't guess."
Wang Zixu was a little tired and didn't want to guess: "Why ask me to guess if you can't guess it?"
"Hey, why don't you like to be teased?"
“Who’s coming?”
"That's... General, the famous - Gu Zao!"
Gu Zao? The leading young author Gu Zao? An Younan's teacher Gu Zao? The Gu Zao who stole the headlines?
I really can't guess.
Wang Zixu thought she was a little too lively and asked, "Aren't you in the editorial department now?"
"I got off work a long time ago," Pu Yuyang said, "Ordinarily, I should have informed you tomorrow, but since we're old classmates, I couldn't wait to tell you so that you can be happy early."
"Thank you," Wang Zixu said, "But why Gu Zao? Is Gu Zao willing to come?"
"He is willing. He is very willing." Pu Yuyang said, "He really wants to meet you."
Wang Zixu recalled what An Younan said when they met today, and nodded, "Okay."
It seems that An Younan did not lie. Gu Zao really wanted to see him.
"There is more than one Gu Zao," Pu Yuyang said, "Gu Zao is the representative of young authors. Guess who else is there? Hint: go to your hometown."
Wang Zixu said: "Chen Qingluo."
This was his first reaction, and after saying it, he felt a little lost. Her shadow still did not dissipate, emitting high-intensity radiation to him.
She has already said that she will go into seclusion, so she probably won't come to attend his seminar.
"No—right." Pu Yuyang said, "Guess again."
"Ning Chun Feast."
"That's not right. Isn't she your editor-in-chief? If you want her to participate, you can invite her yourself. Guess again."
"Lin Feng."
"Who?"
"Just say it directly." Wang Zixu felt that he could not hold on any longer.
"Shen Qingfeng."
Hearing this answer, Wang Zixu woke up immediately.
"what?"
"You are quite impressive. I didn't expect you to be so popular." Pu Yuyang laughed. "We just contacted the Xihe Literary Association not long ago, and they agreed to let Shen Qingfeng participate."
"Well, this is not good!" Wang Zixu said, "To be honest, Shen Qingfeng and I have a little..."
"A bit contradictory?"
It's not just a little contradictory. It's a huge contradiction.
"Can you please not let him come?" Wang Zixu said, "The situation will be rather awkward then."
"No! Don't worry! It's okay!" Pu Yuyang said, "A seminar is a place where both good and bad things are discussed. It's best to start a quarrel. The more intense the quarrel, the more topics there are."
After that, she added: "And think about it, Shen Qingfeng has a lot of fans, and he is not that important in the traditional literary world. You can accept his criticism of you with a smile! You can earn a lot of traffic out of thin air!"
Wang Zixu was a little embarrassed: "Since when has traditional literature also become concerned with traffic?"
"Everyone has to eat!" Pu Yuyang sounded in a good mood. "Anyway, you can prepare well... But then again, you don't have much to prepare."
After hanging up the phone, the prince was in a daze for a long time.
what?
Shen Qingfeng came to attend the seminar of "Stone Fire"? ?
What kind of disaster scene is this?
He could imagine how embarrassed he would be on the day of the seminar.
It just so happened that Chen Qingluo went into seclusion at this time. If he had her support, he would feel better.
After parking the car on the side of the road, Wang Zixu called Lin Feng and told him about the matter. Lin Feng was having dinner, and when he heard the call, he ran out without even wiping his mouth.
"Ah? Shen Qingfeng is going?" Lin Feng was shocked. "When did they report it? They didn't even get my consent!"
Wang Zixu was a little worried about his friend, the president: "Don't let yourself be sidelined, right?"
"It's unlikely that they were sidelined. I know this, but I haven't figured out who to report to officially. Shen Qingfeng must have bypassed me and asked to participate. Then why did they report without my consent? Oh no, I've been sidelined..."
"..."
On the other end of the phone, Lin Feng comforted him: "I will go and confront Shen Qingfeng. Even if I can't stop him from going, I will try to go myself."
"Forget it, forget it. Don't come," Wang Zixu said. "What's the point of you coming? Fighting against Shen Qingfeng? This will make our Xihe Literary Association seem particularly disunited."
"But if that old guy goes there, it will definitely be bad for you..."
"It's okay. He hasn't published many articles in authoritative magazines. Even if he says something bad about me, it's just sour."
After listening to this, Lin Feng thought about it and suddenly smiled: "That's true, you are no longer the same as before."
"Then we'll take advantage of his traffic."
"Now, I'm looking forward to him attending your seminar. Good luck!"
"Yeah. You should also try your best and don't continue to be sidelined."
"Isn't it because I need you as the vice president to help me hold the situation?" Lin Feng complained, "Teacher Li Tingfang has stepped down, and the vice presidents don't obey me. It's hard to carry out my work. I really hope you can win the Fei Shi Literature Award. I recommended you to come in. If you win the award, I will have more confidence!"
"Okay, I'll try to win the award, and you should also try to win an award for reportage."
After hanging up the phone, Wang Zixu strolled by the river to enjoy the breeze and then went home.
……
As soon as he entered the room, Wang Zixu saw Ye Lan sitting on the sofa. The lights in the living room were not on. An old movie was playing on the projector. A short poem was written in traditional Chinese characters on the black screen:
"That was an awkward comparison.
“She kept her head down, giving him a chance to get close.
“He didn’t have the courage to approach.
"She turned around and left."
Ye Lan turned around and looked at him: "You're back, why are you so late?"
“Are you watching a movie?”
"Yeah. You came back at the right time. The movie just started. Do you want to watch it together?"
"what movie?"
"It's about an extramarital affair."
The slippers in Wang Zixu's hand fell to the ground: "Extramarital affair?"
What's wrong with you today? Why bother watching an extramarital affair?
Then, Maggie Cheung's face appeared on the screen of the movie, and Wang Zi heaved a sigh of relief: "In the Mood for Love."
"Hey! That's right! How did you know? Have you seen it? How did you tell it at a glance? Wow, you are so awesome!" Ye Lan was very excited, looking at Wang Zixu with starry eyes.
Wang Zixu changed into slippers and came over, sitting down on the sofa: "Is today 'Wong Kar-wai Day'?"
"No, today is 'Tony Leung Day'. I was searching for movies online and they said this was an aesthetic movie about an extramarital affair, so I chose this one."
"Why did you suddenly think of watching 'The Affair'? You're not even married yet, why are you watching this?"
"I don't want to watch a gangster movie! So I chose this. I'm tired of ordinary romance movies, I want something exciting."
Wang Zixu felt that Ye Lan would definitely be disappointed in the end, but he didn't tell her this, which was particularly disappointing.
After sitting next to her, Wang Zixu realized that his behavior was a bit hasty.
Miss Ye Lan was dressed too casually, with a long T-shirt on her upper body and bare legs on her lower body, her feet on the sofa, her long legs shining white. Fortunately, the light was dim and I couldn't see anything clearly, so I didn't have to worry about whether she was wearing underwear under her T-shirt.
He was about to get up and leave when Ye Lan said:
"You haven't told me why you came back so late today."
"I talked to the editor of Get and they said they would hold a seminar for my book Fire in the Stone."
"Wow, congratulations." Ye Lan stared at the screen and said emotionlessly.
"What's more embarrassing is that Shen Qingfeng is also coming to participate." Wang Zixu smiled bitterly, "I wonder how he will ridicule me then."
"What are you afraid of?" Ye Lan stared at the screen, picking his feet. "If he dares to mock you, just announce on the spot that you are the little prince and teach him a lesson."
"Huh? Why?"
"Shen Qingfeng recently started a live broadcast, praising the Little Prince every day, which attracted a lot of traffic." Ye Lan said, "If he dares to criticize you, just show your real name. If he scolds you again, he will be slapping himself in the face."
"Thank you for your advice. However, if I reveal my true identity, Shen Qingfeng will not be the only one who will criticize me."
Are you kidding? Professor Zhong Junmin will also be there.
If he dared to say that he was the little prince, Professor Zhong would reject him on the spot.
After saying that, Wang Zixu made up a random excuse: "It's my turn to take out the trash today. I'll go downstairs."
"Why don't you watch it again? This movie has a very high score."
"No thanks, I wish you a happy movie viewing."
Ye Lan dressed like that, if we watch a movie together, I will definitely not be able to concentrate. Some temptations are hard to resist, so we should avoid getting close to them.
Sorry miss, I only have one ticket. I don't need to consider such complicated questions.
Prince Xu carried the garbage downstairs, muttering the classic line: "If I have an extra ticket, will you go with me?"
After leaving the corridor, a cool breeze blew towards him, and Wang Zixu felt a little calmer.
He had experienced too many things today, leaving him overwhelmed and confused. Shi Tonghe's threats, Chen Qingluo's promise, Ye Lan's thighs, Maggie Cheung's cheongsam... all these things flew through his mind, like smoke and willows, curtains and curtains.
He threw the garbage into the trash can, and suddenly someone patted him hard on the shoulder.
Suddenly, someone stood behind him, so quietly that his legs went limp with fear.
"Who?"
"Mr. Wang Zixu, right?" A thin man stood behind him. "Please come with us."
"who are you?"
The tall and thin man's tone was a bit uncompromising, which made Wang Zixu a little unhappy.
“You don’t have to ask these questions, just come with us.”
"I don't have the habit of following strangers without knowing why."
The thin man put his hands behind his back and raised his neck high:
"I'll tell you what Miss An Younan said: She asked you to come over. She also said that after you hear it, you will definitely accept this proposal with pleasure."
(End of this chapter)