Chapter 248: Sadolin's Changes
It was no longer cold in Durmstrang at the end of May. Except for the snow in the West Tower which never melted all year round, the rest of the place had changed from thick ice to clear lake water. There were more boats on the campus and more people diving. The lake surface was always rippling and the shore was always filled with magical steam.
But this lively and bustling campus had nothing to do with Sadolin. She sat on the window of the west tower, leaning casually to the side, her whole body immersed in the damp darkness. The face created by Maggie was still extraordinarily beautiful, but there was no excitement and curiosity in her dark green eyes.
After that night, Maggie actually didn't care about her anymore. She didn't deepen the concept of "master and servant" to Sadolin, nor did she pursue the inappropriate books that Sadolin was still reading, nor did she restrict Sadolin from continuing to participate in the activities of the club.
He seemed to have done nothing, but everything changed for Sadolin.
There was no need to deepen the concept of master and servant. The intellect she cherished was in Maggie's hands. Once she had this understanding, Sadolin would only feel powerless when reading those books. The prospects she saw were still full of hope, but she had no way out.
Her situation had changed, and outsiders could sense it, especially after Professor Abate took a long sick leave. The last place in Durmstrang where she could still feel a moment of peace had become chaotic.
There were some very nice people among the department members she interacted with, but more of them began to stare at her secretly for a long time, and their heartbeats gradually became so steady that she wanted to escape. Although Sadolin was naive, she gradually realized that they were observing and measuring her, observing her value and measuring the pros and cons of interacting with her.
Maggie didn't need to do anything, as long as his intentions and attitude were there from a distance, it was enough to control Sadolin.
So Sadolin became increasingly silent and depressed, and could no longer read. Every time she read, she would think of herself being imprisoned by magic, and then her thoughts would disperse, all in the direction of self-pity and fear. Sadolin was not a knowledgeable person, but the distressed thoughts in her heart were sometimes more direct and to the point than the most profound philosophy. It was a pity that those thoughts worth recording were aggravating her depression.
She almost never went to the club. Sadolin couldn't face everyone who changed in an instant. Ah, the only convenience Maggie gave her was probably the capital to be willful in front of outsiders.
Sadolin didn't need this kind of convenience, but she had no choice from the beginning. She couldn't do what Professor Abate often said, "Always do things for yourself to make yourself happy." She could only try her best to make herself feel better within the situation.
Tap-dong-tap-tap-dong-tap-
There was a sound of footsteps mixed with dull thuds. Sadolin didn't need to listen carefully to know that the recognizable footsteps came from Levin Cockrell. Professor Cockrell often used a cane, and it was the most elegant and natural one among all the professors.
When passing by the window where Sadolin was leaning against, Cockrell stopped and asked, "What are you doing here, Slytherin?" His eyes passed Sadolin and fell on the students playing outside the window. He felt that Sadolin should at least do one thing besides attending class, playing or studying independently, instead of sitting in the window and staring blankly every day.
"Because I don't know what to do, Professor." Sadolin said honestly with empty eyes.
"..." Cockrell stood in the light, his clothes and hair were meticulously groomed. Even though his face was much older than the beautiful Sadolin, he exuded a vitality far superior to that of Sadolin. He stared at Sadolin's eyes and swept her up and down slightly, confirming that he had met the most annoying kind of student - a student who used confusion as an excuse to do nothing for a long time.
Normally, Cockerell wouldn't waste his words, but he knew a little about Maggie's way of doing things, and he hated Voldemort even more, a man he had labeled as having no aspirations and only knowing how to play around with power. This was especially true since such a man without aspirations was placed on the same level as his beliefs by that mob, which further aggravated his dislike for him.
"If you do nothing, you will only be confused forever," Cockerell said one more sentence because of the bad feeling, and he ended with his usual indifference, "But it doesn't matter, after all, you are only wasting your life."
After saying this, Cockrell left on his own. That was all he had to say. After all, it was Sadolin herself who was in control of her life. Sadolin looked at Cockrell's back with a dead heart.
She believes that her life is in the hands of others.
Having said that, since the professor has pointed out that it is not good for her to do this, Sadolin plans to respond politely. She can go back to her room and do nothing by herself.
So she jumped out of the window, patted her clothes casually, and walked back with heavy steps. It was class time, and Sadolin only met a few students who were rushing out to play, and these people quickened their pace when passing by her.
"..." Even though she had changed her appearance and lost her fatal eyes, people were still afraid of her. Fear, this was a word that made her uncomfortable in the past. But now, Sadolin didn't care about it. She continued to move forward in silence.
"Sadolin!"
As she was walking, a clear male voice called her. Sadolin turned around and saw the tall Cyriaco Bowie and his strong gay partner Soslan Fadeev walking towards her. They were both Sadolin's friends in the society.
"I haven't seen you in the activity room for a long time." Ciriaco looked up and down at Sadolin, with some distress in his eyes, "Why are you so listless?"
"I've been busy with other things recently." Sadolin also learned to be perfunctory in other people's conversations, and she skipped Ciriaco's second question.
"You look like you don't care about life or death, what could you be busy with?" Soslan's voice was very attractive and his words were very impolite, but his lake blue eyes showed genuine concern. This guy was essentially a delicate and sensitive person like his lover, but he was blunt to the point of being harsh in his words.
"...Anyway, that kind of thing is not in my hands," Sadolin said softly, her nose sour. She forced a smile and raised her foot to leave, "I have something else to do, so I'll leave first."
"I know about you. Although I'm not as reckless as Professor Abate," Ciriaco held her back. Thinking of Sadolin's increasingly withered demeanor, he pursed his lips and his eyes turned red. "But I've also experienced depression. I know the kind of helplessness and despair."
"What others hold is everything to me." Sadolin raised her eyes, which were originally directed at the hand being held, and her eyes, which had been shining with water, appeared in front of the two of them. She said calmly that she didn't think anyone could understand her situation.
"Your experience may be extraordinary, but you can't use it as a standard to deny everything about yourself in the eyes of others," Soslan heard what Sadolin had not said. He saw that Sadolin was too immersed in her own sad world. "Siriaco was almost taken to a Muggle mental hospital for treatment by his Muggle-hating parents because of coming out. Isn't everything he built up in the past everything?"
Hearing this, Sadolin opened her eyes wide and looked at Ciriaco. Ciriaco glared at his lover who had never spoken before trying to comfort Sadolin. “It’s not that exaggerated or dangerous, but I know how powerless I am in the face of authority that cannot be rejected.”
"In the end, I didn't make any clear moves to completely rebel against my family. My father was such a patriarch. I tremble with fear when I think of him now." Ciriaco lowered his eyes. "He was so authoritative to me, but I couldn't deny my sexual orientation anyway, so I thought, I was the right one."
"If there is no way to practice it correctly," Sadolin couldn't help but interrupt, "what's the point!"
"It's not easy to know that you are right, Sadolin. Guilt is the easiest thing to kill yourself," said Ciriaco, his eyes slightly empty. He once went through a period when he hated himself so much that he wanted to die. "And after knowing that, you have to continue to deepen your concepts and plan a way out until the opportunity to practice the right thing comes to you."
In the past, Ciriaco relied on the marks of abuse on his body to escape from home and appeal to the court. The court issued a restraining order against his father, and Ciriaco won the freedom he wanted.
"You have to move, even if it means just maintaining your daily routine, Sadolin," Ciriaco said seriously, grabbing Sadolin's shoulders, "otherwise, once you turn into a detour, there will really be no hope."
Sadolin listened in a daze, and suddenly she wanted to see Dmitri, the young man who told her the truth. At the same time, her old thirst for knowledge was rekindled, and she wanted to read again urgently.
Yes, she compromised with Maggie because of her intellect. If even this precious intellect was lost in her self-pity, what was the point of making such a great sacrifice and compromise?
At least, let her intellect still be able to enjoy the correctness.
As for the opportunity to practice the right thing, Sadolin knew that it was almost impossible, but a glimmer of hope flickered in her heart.