Chapter 364: One Small Step Forward
Della sat by the window of the plane. She looked at the lights left behind as the plane rose, and clearly felt the numbness that had filled her for several months fade away.
She was terrified by this.
During the days of living alone in the tree house, Della, whose life had become somewhat regular, gradually came to realize that her life was sustained by the numbness of suppressed emotions.
She found a way to survive, which is simply a method of escape behavior. The reason why this method is always considered a detour is that it ultimately cannot solve the problem.
Now that she has left that method, she still resists taking medication, but has to face the emotions that will completely consume her at any time.
"What's wrong? Are you not feeling well?" Bellinda, who was sitting next to her, noticed Della's daze and leaned over to ask with concern.
"Are you airsick?" The business class cabin on this plane didn't have three seats in a row, so Zhou Yushi could only sit behind Della. He looked up from the newspaper he had spread out, "Do you want airsickness medicine? But if I take it now, I might have trouble with the jet lag if I sleep too long."
In response to Bellinda's gaze, Zhou Yushi, who was used to traveling between the two countries, continued, "It's night now, and it will be night again in ten hours. My suggestion is to take a nap later and stay awake for three or four hours before landing."
"Thanks for your advice, Zhou," Della gave Belinda a small smile, "and I'm fine, Belinda."
Della comforted Belinda, not realizing how heartbreaking the smile she forced on her pale, almost transparent face was. She was already too thin, and a smile that affected most of her face only highlighted this point. Belinda felt bitter as she watched her once-dignified roommate become half-dead.
"Look forward to it. Zhou's family is very beautiful," Belinda slowed down her tone, as if she was telling a fairy tale. "It is surrounded by mountains on three sides. The large flat land is their family's residence. It is full of vitality. Outside is the wildness of the fields, and inside is the elegant and exquisite garden scenery."
Della listened and dug out from her memory a few small books from her time in the orphanage. In the books were photos of oriental gardens with black and white tree shadows and secluded paths. She followed the gravel path in the photo that led to an unknown destination. Before exploring her imagination, Belinda helped her give the answer.
"And in that garden lives a large family, with three uncles and seven cousins. The elders are kind and the peers are friendly." Belinda's face also showed some longing for a big family. "They will learn from each other and show off the trees they planted to each other. In the end, they will share all their troubles and fun stories while drinking under the moon as gentle as water."
Unbelievable, unbelievable, this is completely different from what he said.
Zhou Yushi felt that Belinda had simply mentioned another family, but considering that Della had fallen asleep peacefully, he did not say much. He only whispered to his lover to correct her, "Everyone only gets together like that during the Chinese New Year, and when we cousins get together, there is always a lot of uproar."
"Only close friendships can make people unscrupulous." Bellinda blinked.
"..." Zhou Yushi smiled helplessly, hoping that Belinda would not have a headache when she saw that group of people with strong personalities, and would not despise him for being drunk.
Meanwhile, Della, who was falling asleep, was not sleeping soundly. For her, dreaming meant a conversation she had to have with herself, and her subconscious mind would present her fears and desires to her intactly.
In the darkness, there were only a few tall gilded pillars standing before her eyes. Della, who could not feel her hands or feet, looked up and found that the golden lines extending upwards bent at a certain point and then gathered above her head.
She is in a cage.
She is a snake in a cage.
Della reacted and realized that it was a dream. She dragged her slender and cold body around in the cage. Nothing happened. Then she looked outside the cage and hesitated to move forward.
It just looked black.
It was as if she had escaped from Maggie's cage, but quickly built another cage for herself with her eyes.
Since they are struggling to survive anyway, what’s the point in changing the cage?
Pessimism spread in the darkness and enveloped Della. Her whole body floated in the dark dreamland where no lines could be seen. She moved forward aimlessly. The gaps between the gilded pillars were so big, but she still bumped into a solid pillar.
"Haishi (I'll always be here)."
Maggie's snake language sounded, and the lingering sound caused the air in front of Della's eyes to fluctuate, adding a bit of oppression to the already pessimistic darkness. However, Della strangely felt at peace in this oppression that made her unable to lift her body.
“Hai-shiha-shia (If you have the will, you can do it).”
She really shouldn't have come out of her numbness. Now it's all about the truth that she is what Maggie expected her to be.
“We are all aliens to the world.”
Yes, you have already gotten what you wanted from me, and I, a weak person, could only escape.
"We have the right to end suffering, but that kind of ending would be a betrayal of each other's uniqueness."
Selfish thinking, distorted emotions, all the only things were built on her towering betrayal. The only thing standing on falsehood should have been toppled long ago.
"In this vast world, only you and I depend on each other..."
No, that's not right. You are the only one for me, but you think I am the only one for you.
Maggie kept talking and Della kept thinking, and the pressure they felt was getting greater and greater, and they also drew more and more false peace of mind from this pressure.
Maggie had destroyed her and had become her only one.
"Wake up, wake up, Della," a vague male voice squeezed into the darkness Della was facing, "Don't sleep anymore, stay alert for a while, and then go to sleep when you land."
Della came out of the darkness and opened her eyes. Next to her was Bellinda, who was also sleepy. In her peripheral vision, she saw Zhou Yushi gently pushing her arm back.
"But the magazine won't stay in good shape for long," complained Belinda.
"Would you like to learn a few words of Chinese?" Zhou Yushi suggested. "Don't be too stressed. You all speak English very well. Second uncle's family can speak it. The rest of us, except for the children of third and fourth uncles, should be able to communicate. Anyway, I'm here for you no matter what."
"You're praising a person from country Y for his good English?" Della laughed.
"After all, it's not my native language," Zhou Yushi also smiled, "but the British accent does sound nice."
"Don't be fooled by him, he's just bragging," Belinda said to Della immediately, "His grandfather used to study in Country Y, and he was taught to speak with a Country Y accent."
When Della looked at Zhou Yu, she remembered that he had said on Halloween that year that his grandparents were immigrants. There are many ways to become an immigrant, but those who have the conditions to study abroad should not have a bad family situation. "Your family sounds quite wealthy, Zhou."
"It used to be. My grandpa now just runs a few small shops to make a living," Zhou Yushi corrected, "and my grandfather's family is a very prestigious Taoist-wizard family. We can't say they are rich, as most of their assets are ancestral property that cannot be moved. We can only say that they live a leisurely life."
"Can I still shop as I please?" Belinda winked at him.
"Of course," Zhou Yushi nodded without hesitation, "We'll stay here for a few years, and I'll take you on a few days of extravagant fun."
When Belinda looked at Zhou Yu, her eyes were wide open, her hands were on her chest, and she made an exaggerated expression of being moved.
Della looked at the couple and smiled a little, "You two are so sweet."
"When you grow up, you will also experience this kind of sweetness," Belinda said, pointing her finger and saying "ah" with a rising tone, "Just remember not to give in. Unless you have to compromise, the person who forces you to compromise is definitely not the right one for you."
Not suitable for...
Does she have any choice...
Della was still pessimistic, but she also gained some meaningful social happiness from her exchanges with Bellinda. She remembered the doctor's advice to her to build more connections with family and friends and deepen her ties with the world, and felt that she had taken a step on the right path.
"So, are you still learning Chinese?" Zhou Yushi asked tentatively, with some eagerness in his eyes.
"Teach me a few words." Belinda shrugged and Della nodded.
"Okay, first we say hello. We usually say," Zhou Yushi slowed down his tone and said in a clear voice, "Have you eaten?"
"Hello?" Della asked with her head tilted.
Zhou Yushi tried to hold back his laughter as he explained to the two foreigners that he was a person who had strong facial expression management skills most of the time, but for some reason, cultural differences had always been his point of laughter. Every time he saw others staring with puzzled looks at his introduction to local customs and habits, he couldn't help but laugh.