Chapter 565 Grape Ancestor
Chapter 565 Grape Ancestor
The second in command was trembling.
Bottles of messy medicine were placed upright in front of him, giving off an uncomfortable odor and looking very indecent.
Zhizunbao picked up a small medicine bottle and said, "This is the legendary Black Jade Fracture Ointment! Have you heard of the Eighteen Dragon Subduing Palms? You must know the Nine Yin White Bone Claws, right? How cool is the Tathagata Palm? No matter what kind of martial arts broke the bones, it can heal them."
"Wow!"
Everyone present was amazed and then applauded.
As bandits and robbers, their IQ may be a little low, but as background figures, they must be fine.
Zhizunbao was not worried at all about being seen through by the Second in Command. It was easy for a fool like him to cheat hundreds of times every day. It was just that Zhizunbao was always gentle and considerate to his subordinates, and never gave them any chance to come into danger.
The second in command pointed at the densely packed tiny characters on the bottle and said, "Although I can't read, the Black Jade Ointment only has five characters, but this bottle has twenty-one characters."
"Damn!" Zhizunbao looked down and said, "Why does Tan Wenjie write so clearly? He should write his name clearly, or just write the ingredients, manufacturer and expiration date."
"Boss, there really is an expiration date on it, and it seems to have its effects written on it, which seems to be an aphrodisiac..."
"Blind man, shut up." Zhizunbao patted the second in command's shoulder and explained comfortingly, "Blind man is blind. If you really have problems after eating, you can ask the blind man to help you detoxify."
"You just said you could detoxify it, right? Is it really poisonous?"
"I told you that you heard wrongly, you pig-head." Zhizunbao put his axe against the neck of the second in command, "I got this from Master Tan. If you don't believe me, you should at least believe him."
The second in command nodded repeatedly: "I believe it, his healing medicine is very effective, I feel much better after eating his roasted leeks."
Zhizunbao: "What leeks?"
Second in command: "Boss, let's research the medicine first."
Zhizunbao, who had already guessed something, asked: "What leeks did I ask you about!"
"That's the one……"
While the Second Master was hesitating, Zhizunbao's eyes stopped at his beard, and his voice trembled: "Abalone? Fish? Brush?"
"Gang leader..."
"I am going to kill you!!"
"Help me stop the gang leader! He's gone crazy again!"
The Second in Command responded with a loud cry, and a group of people rushed forward to hold down Zhizunbao.
I don't know if it's because Zhizunbao has had too many mental problems, or if the second in command has quietly taken over and secretly controlled the entire Axe Gang, but the current situation is that no matter how loud Zhizunbao shouts, he is still the one being suppressed.
"Boss, you rest here. I will help you kill Chun Sanshi Niang and Bai Jingjing right away." The second in command said as he picked up the medicine and ran away.
Zhizunbao's eyes widened when he heard this: "What! Wait, let that bastard come back."
"Boss, the Second In Command is just trying to make you happy."
"Don't let him go."
That is the most lewd and wanton aphrodisiac. How could beauties of Chun Sanshi Niang and Bai Jingjing be allowed to fall into the hands of that idiot Second in Command?
"Boss, Boss? Oh no, the Boss seems to be unconscious." The blind man took the initiative to step forward at this time, "I'll do artificial respiration."
“Bang!” “Ouch——”
Zhizunbao slapped the blind man away, then stood up and straightened his clothes.
"Come with me and kill that bastard, the second in command."
Everyone looked at each other.
Zhizunbao: "I am the leader of the gang!"
Everyone: “Roar!”
The gang leader has gone crazy again. To avoid being chopped by him, we’d better chop the second in command first.
……
"It's so lively."
Tan Wenjie put his hands on his head and looked into the distance. He was standing in front of the cowshed, and three steps away was a yellow mud wall.
The cow in the cowshed: “…”
It strongly suspected that the person in front of it was mentally ill.
"Hey, why is there a cow here?" Tan Wenjie looked at the cow beside him in surprise. "The Axe Gang is a bunch of idiots. They can't even feed a dog. How could there be a cow suddenly? It must be a lost cow."
ox:"……"
Tan Wenjie raised his hand and touched the nose ring, then pulled the rope: "Bull, you are so lucky, I just want to eat roast beef today."
Cow: "Moo?"
This cow does not have any evil spirit, but it has already developed intelligence. After practicing for a period of time, it will surely become a little demon.
It's probably no secret that Sun Wukong will be reincarnated and appear again in Wuyue Mountain five hundred years later.
The person who leaked the information is very suspicious. It is 100% certain that it is a certain Grape Ancestor. A secret that even a monster of Chun Sanshi Niang's level can easily obtain cannot be called a secret at all.
In this world, almost all the bull monsters in the world follow the Bull Demon King.
Although Tan Wenjie really wanted to fight Bull Demon King head-on to see whose fist was harder, he didn't like being tricked and it was always him who tricked others.
So he planned to "accidentally" let the Axe Gang's bull run away, then accidentally attract the Bull Demon King, and finally "accidentally" do something bad to the other party.
Being a careless person, he is unreliable in this way.
Tan Wenjie muttered to himself: "Tang Monk's flesh? So those two monsters wanted to eat Tang Monk's flesh? Humph, how can I let you succeed? Tang Monk's flesh is mine!"
He turned around and disappeared into the ground.
At the same time, the cows in the cowshed secretly said, "Tang Monk's meat? We must tell the king about this!"
It twisted its head, ready to break the rope on its nose ring and run back to report the news.
But... the rope didn't move. No matter how hard I pulled, it still didn't move.
I had to bite it with my teeth, because pulling it hard would hurt my nose too much.
"Click——"
Sparks were produced by the friction between the teeth and the rope.
It turned out to be an iron rope!
"Moo!"
Niu: Is this a human being?
But when the cow thought that he could tell such important news to the Bull Demon King in exchange for the cultivation method, he could only moo and bite the rope with tears in his eyes.
On the other side, the second in command had already arrived outside Chun Sanshi Niang and Bai Jingjing's room with medicine.
He pulled out a few bottles of medicine and looked at them.
"What do we do? Why not use them together?"
He licked his fingers, gently picked a hole in the paper window, and squinted one eye to look inside.
Second in command: (-_⊙)
The candlelight in the room was dim, and only two figures could be barely seen.
One of them had white hair, skull-like cheeks, and flashing red eyes.
The other one had many legs and a spider-like lower body, but the upper body was that of a woman.
The second in command leaned back violently: (⊙_⊙)! !
It’s over, monster!
The gang leader was really far-sighted. He had previously thought that the gang leader wanted to drug the two women because he was attracted by their beauty. He didn't expect that he would judge others by his own standards.
Or maybe I just thought it was too simple.
The second in command began to reflect on the spot: "The medicine I have should only be able to deal with ordinary martial arts masters. It is definitely useless against monsters. It is better to go back and tell the gang leader such important news. Then, under the wise and powerful leadership of the gang leader, I will rush back to kill them."
The more he thought about it, the more he felt that this plan was highly feasible. It was not because he was afraid of death, nor was he deserting the battlefield, but he just happened to think of this point.
For such a cool task as subduing demons and monsters, the gang leader must take action.
He retreated carefully and moved slowly, and after the second in command left, he sped away.
The two demons who were confronting each other in the room heard the hurried footsteps outside, looked at each other, and turned back into human form.
"Oh no, it's that fat guy from the Axe Gang. He must have seen us change back to our original form."
"What should we do now?"
"Shut his mouth. This matter should not be further complicated."
Bai Jingjing: "I'll go."
She is definitely more suitable to deal with Zhizunbao.
……
"Boss, something bad has happened!"
Just as Zhizunbao was walking out with his men in a menacing manner, they saw Zhizunbao with a large group of people coming towards them in a menacing manner.
"You bastard, I was looking for you!" Zhizunbao shouted, "Catch this traitorous bastard!"
A group of people rushed forward and pressed Zhizunbao to the ground.
"You bastards!"
"The gang leader has been mentally unstable lately."
"Maybe he was hurt by love."
"Boss." The second in command came over and said, "Oh no! Those two women are monsters."
"Woman, what woman?"
"Chun...ah!" The second in command looked up and saw Bai Jingjing looking at him with a smile, "She, she, she, I, I, well, Gang Leader, I suddenly remembered that my wife is giving birth today. I have something else to do and I'll leave first. We'll contact each other later when we have time."
The second in command turned around and ran away.
"You bastards, let me go!"
After being let go, Zhizunbao rubbed his face and adjusted his hair.
"Miss Jingjing, why are you here?"
"Boss, where were you just now?"
"Exercise."
"Oh, that's so special haha."
"Yes, more exercise is good for your health. Miss Jingjing, what are you doing?"
"Exercise."
"What a coincidence, haha."
The two looked at each other and nodded.
Bai Jingjing: "I'll go back first?"
Zhizunbao: "Miss Jingjing!"
"Hmm?" Bai Jingjing stopped.
Zhizunbao hesitated, and finally squeezed out a sentence: "Good night."
"You too." Bai Jingjing left quickly after leaving a word.
"Yeah!" Zhizunbao clenched his fist. He had bravely taken the first step and believed that with his unprecedented charm and a little trick, he would be able to win the beauty tomorrow.
When he turned around, he found that his subordinates were all shaking their heads and sighing.
"Blind man, why are you shaking your heads?"
"Boss, you looked very wretched just now."
"Have it?"
“Just like Wangcai.”
"Fuck, you said I look like a dog?"
"Usually they are just a little bit alike, but they are especially alike when they are chasing women, especially just now, it's like that."
"No wonder you're blind!"
Zhizunbao returned to his room indignantly. His handsomeness was recognized by everyone. It was all because of Tan Wenjie's arrival that the Axe Gang's aesthetic standards were raised, making them forget how charming they were.
The title of the Axe Gang's most handsome man is very important to him.
There was a sudden knock on the door, and the blind man poked his head in: "Boss, are you still angry?"
"What?"
"I brought you some grapes."
"Grapes? There are grapes in a place where no one lives?"
"Yes." The blind man nodded, "I picked it up outside by accident. It's a big bunch."
Looking at the grapes that the blind man brought over, Zhizunbao nodded: "Sure enough, it's a big bunch. Put the grapes down and you go first."
"Yes!"
The grapes on the table exuded an attractive luster. Just as Zhizunbao was about to reach out to take one, a hand suddenly reached out.
"Boss, please keep the Portuguese."
"Fuck, where did you jump out from, bald head?"
Zhizunbao looked at the bald monk who suddenly appeared in front of him. He had a chubby little nose and small eyes, and he had a vulgar temperament.
"Boss, I am the immortal Bodhi Patriarch, not an ordinary bald man."
"Grape Ancestor?"
"Patriarch Bodhi."
"Grape."
Patriarch Bodhi said, "Bodhi... forget it. I came here to tell you something. There is a monster on the mountain."
"Oh——" Zhizunbao nodded and turned half a circle around Bodhi.
When the other person smiled and nodded, he suddenly jumped up and slammed his head on Bodhi's forehead.
"You must have been sent by that bastard from the Second In Command! He just told me there was a monster, and now he's colluding with the blind man to come here. Tell me, did you sneak in when the blind man was delivering grapes just now?"
"I really am a god."
"Then make me handsome."
"It can't be done."
"It's indeed fake."
"Wait, boss, you are already handsome enough."
"So you seem to be real."
Zhizunbao pinched his chin and thought hard. He believed that even a god could not make him more handsome.
"Boss, if you don't believe me, I have a magic mirror here. You can tell whether a person is a human or a demon by just looking at it."
"Is this true?" Zhizunbao took the magic mirror and gestured, "Where is Tan Wenjie? He seems to have come with Miss Jingjing."
"He is a god."
"God? I knew you were lying. How could a god come with a monster?" He had doubted the truthfulness of Bodhi's words before. After all, gods would definitely not look too ugly, but Bodhi seemed to have no other advantages except being ugly.
"He's here to pick up girls."
"I want to be a fairy too."
Being a god is so cool, Zhizunbao touched his face.
He felt that he was a little more handsome than Tan Wenjie, so there would be no problem for him to become a god.
Bodhi: “…”
What should he say? Tell Zhizunbao that he has long been a god, and even the most awesome one among all the gods? Forget it. He would definitely get beaten up if he said that.
"Boss, let's first discuss how to catch those two banshees."
"Hehe, I've wanted to have sex on behalf of God for a long time." Zhizunbao sneered, "It just so happens that I'll teach you a task. Go to Tan Wenjie now to ask for a bottle of Yin Yang He Huan San, and then trick the two of them into taking it. Leave the rest to me."
Bodhi: "Boss, do you think I'm stupid?"
"Fuck, do you think I'm stupid? They are both so beautiful, how can they be monsters?"
"Then use the magic mirror to check it out."
"I'll check? Humph." Zhizunbao shook his head. He just wanted to pick up girls now. What's more, he had already paid a successful payment to the father of success in order to pick up girls.
"Ugh."
Looking at the reincarnation of Sun Wukong who was eating grapes and falling into depravity, Bodhi sighed.
He reached out to grab the grapes, but was slapped away by Zhizunbao.
"What? These are my grapes."
"mean!"
Since Zhizunbao is unreliable, Bodhi feels that he can find someone who is slightly more reliable for help, such as Tan Wenjie.
We are all gods, so there will be no problem in giving them some face.
Just after Bodhi left, Zhizunbao stood up with a hum. As soon as he opened the door, he saw someone flying in the sky in the distance, screaming.
"Flying in the sky? That seems to be the second in command. There can't be a monster there!"
Zhizunbao looked at the magic mirror.
If it really doesn't work, he will just "accidentally" meet Bai Jingjing again. He is very good at this.
At the same time, the second in command was indeed flying in the sky.
In order to make him shut up and not reveal the secret, the two banshees took him flying for several circles.
……
"Amitabha."
When Bodhi found Tan Wenjie, he was standing in front of the cowshed holding a chicken leg.
"Master Tan."
"Who are you?" Tan Wenjie looked at the other person in confusion.
He is socially anxious and hates it most when others actively talk to him, except for beautiful women, rich people, people who are stronger than him, people who can flatter him, and other people depending on his mood.
"Bodhi." Bodhi put his hands together, "We should have seen it before."
Tan Wenjie was not sure who Bodhi was, but it was definitely not Guanyin Bodhisattva.
So there is only one other possibility left, Buddha.
After all, he had not seen many Buddhas and Bodhisattvas in Lingshan, and his social interactions were superficial. He only had a good relationship with Guanyin Bodhisattva.
Tan Wenjie took out the golden hoop.
"Amitabha." Bodhi smiled.
Although he couldn't nod in agreement, sometimes, some things didn't need to be explained in detail, as long as both parties understood.
"Snapped!"
Tan Wenjie put the golden hoop on Bodhi's forehead.
Bodhi: “What are you doing?”
"You are pretending to be a Buddha in front of me. You have the ability to chant the spell to untie the golden hoop."
"I am him, and I am not him."
Tan Wenjie looked disgusted and said, "Who told you to say tongue twisters? I asked you to recite the spell to loosen the hoop."
Bodhi: “No.”
"To tell you the truth, I have a very good relationship with the Buddha. I even gave him cigarettes. Baldy, you'd better bribe me now, otherwise I will report this to the sky, hehehe~"
Bodhi: “…”
He had expected everything because of a mistake, but he didn't expect that Tan Wenjie, this bastard, had no shame at all, and was the type of person who would not pick up things even if they were lost.
“Everyone is a deity.”
"I hate it when people try to get close to me."
Bodhi lowered his voice: "I heard that the Bull Demon King has a banana fan~"
"Fuck, after I kill the Bull Demon King, won't the banana fan also belong to me?" Tan Wenjie looked at the other party with contempt, "You actually used my things to bribe me!"
"What do you want?"
"Give me another golden hoop. There are a lot of things I want to catch recently."
"I am Bodhi, I have no real power." Bodhi had to emphasize that he was him and Buddha was Buddha. Even if their signals were occasionally connected, it did not mean that he could directly access Buddha's main account.
"what can you give me?"
"Moonlight Box."
"Fuck, you're using my stuff to bribe me again!"
After both sides argued for a while, they finally decided that Bodhi would find a master for Tan Wenjie to help him chant scriptures to improve his condition and strength.
"It's settled then." Tan Wenjie nodded with satisfaction.
Everything is fake, only strength is real.
"What are you doing here?" asked Patriarch Bodhi in confusion.
"I suspected that the cow was going to tip off the Bull Demon King, so I used magic to harden the rope that tied it." Tan Wenjie pointed at the bloody broken teeth on the ground. "I didn't expect that the cow actually ran away."
It was a huge sacrifice, and he kind of admired it.
But he didn't understand why the cow didn't just crash into the wood that tied the rope.
Bodhi asked, "Why don't you just kill the cow?"
Tan Wenjie: "Amitabha, I never kill."
"Put down the roasted chicken leg in your hand first. Also, the one who said Amitabha is a monk."
"Look at you, you're obsessed." Tan Wenjie shook his head, "I have the chicken leg in my hand but not in my heart, so what if I eat it? Unlike you, you keep looking at my chicken leg even though you haven't eaten it."
Bodhi: “…”
If he couldn't beat the bastard in front of him, he would definitely raise his fist and slam it on the other person's head.
"What should we do now? The White Bone Demon and the Spider Demon have not been dealt with yet, and the Bull Demon King is coming again." asked Bodhi.
"Damn it, I heard you're Sun Wukong's master, and you're asking me about this?" Tan Wenjie stretched out his hand to grab Puti's neck and shook it hard. "Why don't you just kill Bull Demon King like this? It just so happens that I think Bull Demon King's wife Princess Iron Fan is still charming. Let's kill him and then steal his wife."
Bodhi: “?”
This bastard not only has problems with his brain, but also his behavior.
"Although I am Sun Wukong's master, do you think Tang Seng is good at fighting?"
"makes sense."
Such an impeccable reason made Tan Wenjie want to beat Bodhi up.
"what are you doing?"
"My hands are itchy."
"Don't come over here, hey, we are all gods after all, give us some face."
Zhizunbao ran past the intersection, braked suddenly and stopped, then backed up and looked over: "Two big guys, are you still playing?"
Why do gods seem so unreliable?
"Wait, where's my cow?"
“Your cow is in your pants.”
"Bah, shameless! I mean the bull that I've been raising since I was three years old. I treat it as my own family member and little brother, and we're as close as brothers." Zhizunbao wiped his tears and took the opportunity to quickly look up and glance at the two of them.
Tan Wenjie checked his fingernails, picked them for a long time, and then blew on them.
Bodhi was picking his nose.
Damn, these two guys are definitely not gods. They don’t even have basic love.
"Hey, you two, at least give me some reaction."
“The story is so fake.”
"There are no tears, and the voice has no vibration, which cannot arouse emotional resonance." Tan Wenjie took out a book "Self-cultivation of Actors" from his arms, "Read more when you have time, the role needs to be carefully considered."
Zhizunbao took the book and opened the first page: "What is this?"
Tan Wenjie: "My signature."
Zhizunbao secretly raised his middle finger in his heart to show his contempt, but his expression did not change much. He calmly changed the topic and said, "You two, how should we deal with the two demon girls now?"
Although he is deeply in love with Miss Jingjing and wants to seduce her very much, as the leader of the Axe Gang he must also be responsible for his men.
In other words, he was afraid of death.
As long as you have a green mountain, you will not be afraid of not having girls to pick up. If you risk your life to pick up girls, isn't that even more stupid than that pig-headed second in command?
"It's not us, it's you." Tan Wenjie took a step back, "I am neutral."
Zhizunbao: “…”
He turned and looked at Bodhi.
"He actually has more important work to do."
"for example?"
"Deal with the Bull Demon King."
"Bull... Which dude is the Demon King?"
It’s no wonder that Zhizunbao is so ignorant, he has heard of the Human-Monster King and the Strong King, and has also seen the King of Kings, but the Bull Demon King sounds like a roadside beast.
"Why don't I go deal with the Bull Demon King? I'd feel embarrassed if I were to attack two women." Zhizunbao simply didn't believe Tan Wenjie.
He had been tricked by the other party many times. Since Tan Wenjie was also eager to deal with the monster, it must be very easy. He even suspected that the Bull Demon King might be a beautiful woman with a wasp waist and a plump butt.
Tan Wenjie: “Are you sure?”
If Zhizunbao was killed here, would he turn into Sun Wukong on the spot, or would he continue to reincarnate and wait for another 500 years?
Maybe he can see a version of Zhizunbao with a rat-tail pigtail, wouldn’t that be Wei Xiaobao?
"I'm not particularly sure either." Zhizunbao hesitated and turned to look at Bodhi.
Although both gods are unreliable, if he had to choose, he might be more willing to believe in Bodhi.
People who are ugly are definitely more credible. Otherwise, if you are an ugly god and full of lies, you will definitely not be able to get by.
"The Bull Demon King is Sun Wukong's sworn brother." Bodhi said.
"and then?"
"Can beat those two banshees in one nest."
"real or fake?"
Zhizunbao looked at Tan Wenjie with suspicion.
Could Tan Wenjie, who seemed only slightly stronger than himself, really be that powerful?
Tan Wenjie said: "I'm playing dirty."
"I see." Zhizunbao nodded. That was not surprising.
But compared to his sudden enlightenment, Bodhi had a strange expression. When the strength of gods and demons reaches a certain level, it is no longer possible to hurt the other party by playing dirty.
On the contrary, the gap in strength is too big. Even if he stands still and lets you hit him, you can't hurt him.
It's like Sun Wukong, standing there with a bronze head and iron arms, and no magical weapon can hit his body without producing sparks.
If you want to kill the Bull Demon King, you must be as strong as him.
"I'm a very upright person." Zhizunbao said seriously, "I can't do such a despicable and shameless act as a sneak attack. I'll leave it to you, Grape. Let's discuss how to deal with those two female monsters."
Someone like Tan Wenjie who only knows how to use despicable means will definitely be of no use. He can only work together with Bodhi and use his own intelligence to solve the problem.
Bodhi: "Actually, I have a way. As long as we can trick those two female demons, we can easily capture them. Maybe we won't get hurt. What do you think, Gang Leader?"
Tan Wenjie frowned: "I don't think so. The leader is upright and honest, and he would never use this method."
"No! Quite the opposite." Zhizunbao retorted loudly, "This is winning by using wisdom!"
Bodhi, Tan Wenjie: "..."
Shameless indeed! X2
With such a thick skin, even if Zhizunbao didn't put on the hoop and turn into a monkey, he would have a bright future doing other things.
"Bodhi, what do you think we should do?"
"I need someone to cooperate with me. Who is the person you trust the most?"
Zhizunbao gnashed his teeth and said, "None of those bastards are trustworthy!"
"Least trustworthy?"
"Second Master!"
……
The scene changed and the second in command was called to the front by Zhizunbao.
"I have an invisibility talisman here. You can become invisible after wearing it." Zhizunbao took out the invisibility talisman and said earnestly, "You also told me before that those two women were monsters. Now it's your turn to show your strength."
"Go through fire and water, boss!"
"Okay, give these invisibility charms to the brothers, and have everyone work together to sneak up on the banshees and then take them down."
"Yes!"
Seeing the second in command leaving in a hurry, Bodhi asked worriedly, "Second in command is so straightforward and decisive, did you find the wrong person? We must find a traitor, he will betray us."
Zhizunbao swore solemnly: "This bastard is always the first to run away when he encounters danger. This time he actually took the initiative. He will definitely betray us!"
(End of this chapter)